These things are just plain dumb - dumbth by dummies.
Nobody could understand what would be the reason for their existence.

the brights

New Scientist is rather fond of this sort of thing.
Look 'em up anyway; it may help make you less dumb.
(You can always try and hope.)

Those sort of grammar
Since two decennia or so, you keep reading expressions like these sorts of things. As far as I could figure out, young journalists eagerly setting out in life were taught this, to avoid having to make up their mind between these sort of things, this sort of thing and this sort of things (of which you, dear reader, and me see at first glance the first one is Not Grammatically Correct.) Dumb, but it's getting even dumber: We now see that first form popping up more and more often.

You find this printed on the packaging of hard drives.
Then they go on to say the warranty does not extend to forces larger than 350G -
which means you safely could shoot them out of an old-fashioned muzzle-loading cannon.

Video Wide-Screen
Why anybody would release a DVD wide screencopy of a CinemaScope film and cut off
image left and right so that, at times, nobody could even figure out what's going on there, is beyond me.
Maybe I'm just too dumb to understand, myself?
This I go into more intensively boring elsewhere.
What really drives me nuts, I hardly ever see a 'wide-screen' set yet that's correctly adjusted.

Serial Numbers
Ever notice how those serial numbers you have to fill out when you install a new program always contain a lot of Xs, Ys and Qs?
Not only those smart guys at MacroSov seem to figure these characters are somehow more random than the rest of the alphabet.
(All those serial numbers don't really seem to help, anyway.)

Contact Us - but how?
You must have had e-mails asking you to contact the sender if you had not received it.
It even happened with regular mail. But those lovable geniuses at Microsoft found a new twist:
When Windows could not install a modem or network driver, we kept getting a message to go search for the files - on the internet.

Even Better
There was this joke going around about how stupid it was that you had to close down Windows with the START button.
I never thought much of that one; everybody does the same thing with his car. But this one beats it:
Setup has finished uninstalling *.* from your computer.
Before you can use it, you must restart your computer.

Russian UDOs in the Baltic
In the 1970s the Swedish started seeing Russian submarines all over; spying on them, of course. Everybody would expect the Russians to deny it, and so they did. The Swedish navy went after them but never succeeded in finding a single one. Following summers, hardly any Unidentified Diving Objects were observed, which confirmed my guess that the Swedes had suffered an attack of acute periscopitis, as this disease was called in WWII. The funny thing really is (I didn't know this at the time) that when in World War II the British tried to get their submarines into the Baltic Sea, it turned out to be much too shallow for that sort of operation; several got stuck. Didn't the Swedish navy know?

Not Only MacroSov

AC/DC Power Adapters
How many do you have of these, occupying outlets, adding more than their fair share to the rat's nest of cables? I'll start counting now: 1 - speaker amp; 2 - HP Photo Scanner; 3 - Microtek flatbed scanner; 4 - phono pick-up pre-amp; 5 - external HDD; 6 - ADSL adapter; 7 - net router. Why do I have to buy two units for that anyway? Why do not all get their power from the PC? All so primitive. Not counting battery chargers, answering machines... it just goes on and on. All different plugs and different voltages - now if they'd only settle on one, like 12V; for which I have a blow-up-free stabilized supply.

Come to think of that, why aren't those PC power supplies blow-up free? My Sharp amplifier is still chugging away after well over 25 years (I had to change a fuse once. No user serviceable parts inside - oh no?) It's only because I prefer not to be reminded that I omit a list of other apparati that have been charred. That's not only the utility's fault!

I was agreeably surprised when I discovered the Power Strip Liberator. It's a set of 5 short extension cords that move the adapters away from the outlet for 30cm (so you can leave 'em on the floor or table in one dust-gathering mess. Still, for $11...)

Home Train That Fat Away
You may not believe this, but there's at least one cycle-on-the-spot around with built-in wind resistance. The harder you push those pedals, the faster you turn a fan around that blows wind in your face. Or maybe it's an electromotor which you have to plug in? Then add a video game screen plus a showerhead or a sun lamp, and you're all set for a healthy trip through Nature.
I hadn't noticed before Reuters told me, but it does not seem to be
comme i'l faut anymore to use the word fat to describe a person.
You may use lardy, porky or podgy for reasons I can't fathom - just a whim - but obese may be a no-no as well.
Say, how about disgustingly bloated? No offense.

Time Travel
Ever wondered if this was possible? Well, stop breaking your poor substitute for a brain about the metaphysics of this, right now.
If it were possible, all sorts of commercial enterprises would come down here from the future to pester us still more.
Or to sell us trips to the future. Say, how's that for a con-trick?
Need any more convincing? Remember where you read this first!

the brights

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